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| Yo, It's Guido's Corner (1/12 update) Hey there, degenerates, your ol’ pal Guido here, broadcasting from an undisclosed location in rural New Jersey with the first Guido’s Corner for the new year. Casino Guido 6 just finished up with a new winner, JP followed by hockey player Nate W. and that rat Shifty finishing third. We had 26 players and a record 39 rebuys this time. You heard that right, 39 REBUYS! Degenerates were definitely go that day. Guido got a little tear in his eye when he heard that the junior Raasch became the youngest ever CG/HC player and even finished in 9th place. Not bad, I see big things in this kid’s degenerate future. A bunch of players hit their minimum of three tourneys to qualify for the Guido Power Rankings so congrats to finally getting “status” in Guido’s world to youz. We thought we were done with that Sely-man guy but he showed up all the way from Egypt just for Casino Guido (that’s what we like to think, anyway). For his efforts he got to be the first rebuy on the first hand! Congrats to all and thanks for patronizing the SakeBomb/Guido Sports Book, we made back a small bit of what we lost last time. We’ll need about a dozen more of these tourneys to break even, sheesh. (10/11 update) Yo, degenerates, your old pal, Guido writing you means we musta had some poker action this past weekend. The first ever CasiNomo (HC11) was a rousing success with 30 players taking doing battle. The almost impossible happened as Benji captured his third HC title beating out defending champ Sulpicimus (second) and soon-to-not-be-goat-anymore Sherdizzy (third). This makes Benji a MARKED MAN for bounties in upcoming tourneys. Selmatt and Sulpicimus ran away with the qualifying tables finishing first and second by a mile while most of the other spots limped in barely beating the #11-13 players that didn’t make the table. Nomo’s venue with addition of the “Taco Guy” was a perfect setting and thanks as always to Pit Boss Estrella for running the scoring and staying on the ball; Guido thinks youz has a future in the underground economy, young lady. The Guido Prop Sheet and Sports Book (in conjunction with SakeBomb Industries) action was explosive a usual. For the second straight casino, Guido took a minor three digit hit in the shorts. Youz are all pretty slick bet pickers and ol’ Guido had to dip into savings. But…Guido was about to go hide from his Sicilian benefactors when Oregon came close to covering that 14.5 point spread. Selmatt and Geo had a five and six way parlay riding on that late night game which would have put Guido in a four digit hole. You heard that right, ladies and gents, half a point kept Guido out of the poorhouse and made sure that he went to bed that night with the same ten fingers he had when he woke up (again, those Sicilians). But Guido’s loss is your gain so he’s happy to enable your degeneracy and a special shout out to Selmatt and AllenINeedACoolNickname for proving almost half of the Guido action for the day. Those of youz who keep saying “yeah, I should hold a tourney someday” now see how easy it is. The Taco Guy, Haymaker, and Shifty are all at your disposal to run a high quality event. (5/11 update) It's that time, my friends, Guido's corner for the milestone HCX, which according to Guido's ancestors, means the tenth running of you room full of drunken degenerate gamblers. I heard we had a dark horse bring home the coveted red bracelet. And speaking of horses, four of you buncha know-nuttin's picked the right horse at the Preakness. I need to pick me up one of dem dart boards that youz used, sheesh. Ol' Guido took it in the shorts again this time as the winner backed himself at 36-1 and some of youz others hit your bets. Your takin' ol Guido to the poorhouse, youz know that? The final table had a hearty mix of veterans but I heard that Guido's sharks became fish food this time and didn't even make it. What gives? I even heard we had a Goat, some smilin' Schnauzer guy, win his table. The only other goat to win his table was my buddy from the old country, Vinny Pizzavest, but we're happy for this kraut anyhow. That Corcor-tigre guy continued his strong play jumping into become Guido's Vice Shark. The host Haymaker and my runner, Shifty, made the final table for the third straight time tying a record held by Stripe, Black Widowmaker, and Porcu'fredo. I heard the food was fantastic as usual (much better than I got back in Rikers) and that everyone had a sloppy good time. Thanks as always to our Pit Boss, Estrella, for keeping everything going and regulatin' on Odizzy for his missing bracelet. As usual, Guido Power Rankings has the latest on who's hot and who's ready for the go-fish tournament. Stay tuned for news on Casino Guido 6. (3/11 update) Yo, degenerates, Casino Guido 5 is in the books, I never thought I'd, ehem, make it this far. 23 of youz made it out to Shifty's this past weekend, one short of our record. I heard that fate brought "The View" back together again but Shifty was dumb enough to stick em in the garage closer to the neighbors. I'm sure your HOA will be contacting you about all that cackling very soon. The rebuy/tards were out in full force with 23 of em, even some shady last minute rebuys. But shady is my middle name so you know I fully support such degeneracy. That highly ranked 2LiveLuke guy (have we slammed him enough yet for that hat?) took home the gold and a #2 ranking in the Guido Power Rankings. The ladies were well represented with the Tanya and Tina show taking the other two medals. Some of you a-listers didn't show. Guido's keepin' tabs on you so make sure you don't piss him off. See youz all next time. (1/11 update) Hello again, degenerates and welcome to the first edition of Guido's Corner for 2011. I heard only 33 of you manned (and womanned) up for HC9. Guido really needs to question the commitment to degeneracy of the rest of you non-players. Don't worry, the new year will offer up a bounty of casino opportunities. The action was still fierce and five final table virgins made it to "the show". That Corco-tigre guy beat out the host to take home the glory. And Guido's undisputed power shark Stripe brought home the bronze (always the bridesmaid, never the bride, eh big guy?) The Guido side betting action was hot and heavy with two wild card NFL games. Most of youz took the Who-dat Saints to beat the Seachickens but the home team with a losing record shocked the world and kept Guido out of the poor house. I'll be sending a wine and cheese basket to the Pete Carroll for helpin' ol' Guido out. We almost had a repeat of the Selman incident when that Clarity guy made the final four and had big bucks riding on him to win but Guido dodged another bullet. As always, you can see where you measure up at the Guido Poker Rankings. Sharpen up your poker and side betting skills and we'll see you at the next casino. (10/10 update) Hello again, degenerates and welcome to the last edition of Guido's Corner for 2010. I heard this last casino was filled with firsts and then again, the same ol' thing. In the "not this clown again" department, I heard Porcu-fredo become the first back to back HC winner, pretty impressive feat. In the same back to back vein, my good for nuttin' runner Shifty completed the first ever qualifying table hat-trick by winning all three. Now he's gonna push me for a raise, fat chance. And just when I thought no one would ever win Guido's Progressive, Q-tip goes all royal flush on me netting him a handsome jackpot payout three years in the making. Guido's Goat, Vinny Pizzavest, shocked the odds-makers by finishing second and winning a table cashing in on his goat bonus. We had tons of college football and poker prop side bets and Guido lost money for the second time in three casinos, see degenerates, you need to play Guido's props, parlays, and H2H betting to win big. I've updated the Guido Poker Rankings and am getting ready for HC9 which will be here sooner than you can say "I don't know nuttin' about that truckload of stereo equipment, where's my lawyer!" (1/10 update) Yo, poker low-lifes, I got the update on what went down last weekend and heard it was the best Haymaker Casino yet. Back at Guido Productions HQ we weren't too sure about that SakeBomb guy but he must have some yakuza in his blood because I heard he really contributed to the team as the poker and sports props got record action. Ol' Guido was sweatin' Sicilian bullets when he found out there were four players with big prop bet payouts at the final table but he dodged those bullets and didn't have a massive payout like last time (watch your back in Africa, Sely-man). There were some big payouts including Maatt on a six-way Head to Head bet and a couple of the group bets. I'm glad youz all had fun and you let the Guido/SakeBomb syndicate take all your bookie action this time. We'll be back with a whole new set of props including the super-popular Belmont Stakes at the crazy Haymaker Casino VIII. Until then, if the feds come a-callin', you aint heard nuttin', capice? (12/09 update) Yo, Guido, just got the advance sheet on the low-lifes playing in HC#7. I heard you let the joker who won last time and took all of Guido's money go to freakin' Africa. Youz know I got connections everywhere, right? Anyway, we'll have a fresh set of props and parlays ready for you in time to get your bet on. Stay tuned and pay Haymaker so can confirm seats and I can finalize this here sheet. Get ready for a HC/Guido's Corner betting first: Women's Boxing! (9/09 update) Yo, degenerates, Guido here with the recap of another great weekend of Casino Guido. Suckeye took the gold to become the second all time Haymaker Casino Series two-time event winner. Maatt took home the Silver and Q-tip took the Bronze. This event saw 20 rebuys, the emptying of a huge bottle of Captain Morgan, a stunner on the gridiron in Seattle, and plenty of trash talk. Shifty updated the HCS's Guido Power Rankings and we've had some movement at the top and the bottom. 'fredo "I hate your house" dropped from the Shark tank up top and Clarity turns in his goat badge with a respectable finish. See all the rankings at the Guido Power Rankings And don’t forget the HCS Trashtalk Message Board which has been horribly ignored since we rolled it out. Clearly youz aint got the trash talkin’ nuts: Message and Trash Talk Board Your pal, Guido (6/09 update) Yo, your old pal Guido here, and to some of youz, I'm really your pal. I'm sure you all heard that Guido's pocketbook got assaulted at the Haymaker Casino VI. I had to go visit offshore accounts I haven't touched in years, though it was good to catch up with my boys in the Bahamas. Anyway, if you see Shifty walking funny or sporting new bandages, you'll know we had a little heart to heart. But Guido will be back for the next running of the casino and will be eager to take your bets. That's life in the bookie biz, sometimes you're up, sometimes your down. You could be the next Sely-man, make sure to drop your bets on Guido via Shifty in January. I still haven't touched any accounts in Zurich yet! -Guido (3/09 update) Yo, your old pal Guido here. I heard degenerates were go at this weekend's satelite event at Shifty's. Did I hear right, 35 rebuys including one on the first freakin' hand? I heard the main event host and hostess took the Win/Show positions so congrats to them. I saw a few other movers up the charts which I've now updated to reflect the results of this latest battle royale. Remember, Guido and pals are always happy to help run an event at your own casino and add more juice to the power rankings. No game is too small, just let us know. Gear yourselves up for the Haymaker Casino 6. Sixes are wild and Guido will be there (in spirit) but with all the gaming action you can shake a craps stick at. Can Benji get a three-peat? Will the big dogs continue to dominate and make the final table? (think Deadwards and Nina). What other newbie will rise to the challenge like Alfredo? Whatever happens, you can be sure you're old pal Guido will be there in spirit and taking bets. New this time: Bounties on past winners! Read up on Haymaker's new rule sheets: take one of these deadbeats out and youz get extra points to qualify for the final table. | |
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